remus

Ok so - i decided to make today my day 1. Since i kinda messed things up yesterday on my real day 1. I am so excited though. Today was great! I completely didn’t exercise which i had intendedto do, but things came up, and i had a busy day. I think this busy day is actually what’s responsible for today being great. No time to boredom eat. I did have a moment in the library today. The guy sat next to me was eating a cheese pasty (one of my favourite foods), and had some chocolate. It was lunch time and i realised i felt hungry and though ‘i know - i’ll go grab a cheese pasty and some chocolate seen as i’m hungry’. And as i sat there i kinda conned myself into thinking it was an ok thing to do, and that i would just eat less at tea (/evening meal) or something. I could imagine that food in my mouth and was about to go. But then i thought to myself ‘is it really gonna be that nice? what do i want more. a flippin cheese pasty or to not fail on day 1′. Then i remembered all the reasons i put yesterday, and the ’sensible’ lunch that was in my bag (which was exceedling nice actually - much nicer than a pasty as it tasted of sucess! :D). I had also packed a 99cal choc-caramel snack bar as my afternoon snack ( i have a major chocolate addiction), which was good. as i could still have something a bit chocolatey.

In the past i’ve never really stopped to thing about anything before i’ve done it. I think “hmm i feel like eating such and such” and then usually get it / go out buy it and eat it.  So this was a major achivement. Whether it’ll turn into a regular thing or not has yet to be seen. My other breakthrough today was when i got in (i left at 8:15am this morning and didnt return till an hour ago, at 11:30pm tonight) and went in the kitchen for a drink. That big bowl of enormous muffins was still there, looking at me. I remembered that i had two yesterday, and how i felt after eating them. (Disapointed with myself, and they didnt even taste that great), made myself a 40cal mug of hot chocolate and came up here as i felt i really must blog after todays good day.

Tomorrows challenge will be the afternoon. I have an afternoon off. Morning i have lectures. Evening i have a band rehearsal. So its just the afternoon. When i’m sufficiently unbusy to comfort eat. But i plan to go to aqua-aerobics, and then do some work. So fingers crossed, that will happen!

Ok its half-midnight and i need to be up at 7:00am. So i’d better dash. Else i’ll oversleep, have no time for my breakfast shake, and then the whole day will go generally downhill from there.

Adios for now, (and i love this place! ) - Remus.

 Oh yeah - and my other micro-goal for tomorrow - water. I drink not nearly enough of the stuff.

Reasons in order that they first enter my head, (not in order of importance):….. 

1. Nothing fits any more. Even my size enormous clothes are too tight. Thats not good. Sometimes i cant buy clothes cos they dont have my size. How bad is that feeling…..

2. The most least of movement makes me feel out-of-breath.

3. My face feels fat. I Am fat. its everywhere. Especially my stomach and thighs. And if theres this much showing outside, think how much there must be inside, round all my organs. That can’t be good.

4. I feel unhealthy. I have no energy. I’m always tired. I’m lazy. I just feel rubbish like this. I’ve felt much better in the past, and i want to feel like that again.

5. Health reasons: I am at risk of diabetes being this overweight, and having a waist as large as mine. I have relatives with type 2 diabetes, and don’t want to get it myself. Losing weight will hopefully reduce the risk a bit. Also, i have already got a few other health problems, which seem to be linked to my weight, or for which obesity is an issue. I just generally want to be healthier.

6. I have stretch marks. everywhere. i have no idea whether or not there is any way at all to get rid or / reduce them, but i am guessing i have them from putting on so much weight so quickly. If i put on any more weight i’ll just turn into 1 giant stretch mark i feel!

So yeah I just want to lose weight, and i think i’m ready for the challenge.

I only have one worry. That i’ll end up with enormous flaps of skin hanging everywhere, especially from my stomach and upper arms. IS this most likely going to happen or not? I will be doing exercise as well as eating healthier if this makes a difference at all? Any particular exercise / anything i can do to prevent this happenning? Anyone? Thats my biggest fear atm. But hey. hopefully it wont be realised. I’m off to have a look round here, and then be productive and tidy the house / do some work / etc.  Remus.

Well, today was supposed to be day 1. I’m dieting using a mix of slimfast and healthy eating. Seen as i dont normally eat breakfast, having a slimfast shake in the morning menas i eat something, which fills me up, and gets me started for the day. So today i had a shake for breakfast, and a 100cal snack of some low fat cheese crackers. Was going to have something healthy for lunch too, but then the landlord came round, wanting money, and with a present of the biggest muffins i’d ever seen. SO i had to have a chocolate one, forgetting i was supposed to be healthy eating, weight losing, etc etc. Not the best lunch eh? No idea how many calories were in that. I’ve had to guess. I plan to just carry on with my healthy eating the rest of the day, rather than say to myself:

 ”right thats it you’ve ruined the day may as well go get a takeaway, raid the supermarket for chocolate and junk food, and spend the rest of the day piggin out, feeling miserable, and comfort eating through the feeling of failure”.

 I did get a quorn cottage pie ready meal (176 kcals, low fat) and some steamfresh veggies (yum) from the store earlier. I know ready meals aren’t great and its better to cook from scratch, but i’m not the best at cooking just yet, and it looked both very tasty and not too bad nutrition-wise. I rarely eat vegetables, though i do love them, purely because i’ve been living on takeaways for too long. Hence the weight going way up to an amazing 15st9 now! (i remember in may-ish i lost a few pounds, from 13st4 to 12st10. but i got fustrated at not getting lower, and then somehow i put on like 3 stone in 6 months). Personally that disgusts me. And if i dont do something now, and carry on putting on weight at the same rate (1 stone every 2 months) then by january i’ll be nearly 17 stone, and easily set to reach over 20 stone by summer. If i look at before pictures of people who started off weighing over 20 stone, it makes me think:

“how can i do this to myself. i’m only 20 years old. do i really enjoy eating THAT much to let it get to that stage?”

i’m not meaning to offend people wh weigh that much, but if i think of how unfit i am now, and how bad i feel now, it disgusts me that i have even let myself get up to 15st9, let alone that i would let it go that far as to put on even more.